


Never leave the soul unguarded

by Silverlightning



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 13:52:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6857635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverlightning/pseuds/Silverlightning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set before the start of the tv-show, during Sam and Deans teenage years</p>
<p>Sam has always suffered under the hunters lifestyle, longing for a normal family and a regular life. Despite the hate he feels towards the lifestyle their fathers forces onto them he fought on because he had his big brother right by his side. Dean is the gleaming light in the darkness Sam feels is invading his soul. Sam craves the love and attention of his brother until he oversteps a line a warm august night.</p>
<p>What happens when Sam is forced to deal with everything without the lover of his brother? <br/>Will Dean forgive Sam in time to save his soul?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

”Sam could you for heaven’s sake get your things out of the way?” Sam lifted his eyes to meet his father’s dark brown ones. John looked irritated, gesturing with a folded map to the kitchen table occupied with books, handouts and notepads. For the last couple of hours Sam had lost himself into his homework. Sam looked down at math spreadsheet he just worked on and sighed. The logical world of mathematics appealed to Sam, numbers and charts that could be studied and made sense of. It was a way of keeping his thoughts busy on subjects that didn’t affect him emotionally. Sam hoisted himself upwards, stretching to reach the books at the other end of the small table to put them into a neat pile. He knew better than to argue about the fact that he wasn’t finished with homework yet and that he needed the space. The hunt had always first priority and Sam had given up on fighting that fact a long time ago.

With the books and papers gathered in his arms Sam went into the small room that was his and Dean’s bedroom. Two narrow beds separated by a nightstand and one closet was all the furniture that could be fitted in the cramped space. The grey carpeted floor spread an odd smell, something Sam had complained about right away when his dad rented the abandoned apartment. Of course his complaints haven’t gotten him anything but a bottle of air freshener to eliminate the worst smell. John didn’t seem bothered by it and if Dean was he didn’t tell Sam about it. Sam dumped everything on his bed unceremoniously, ready to continue his homework on the floor in lack of a better surface to write on. One of his notepads slid across the brown bedcovers and landed on the floor with a thud. Sam eyed it warily but went to collect it anyway. Just as he picked it up a white paper sheet fell into his hands. Sam wrinkled his forehead in concentration and then in frustration as he realized what he was holding.

It was the invitation to the annual family day at the school Sam had been enrolled in for the past couple of months. Apparently this was a big thing and a long tradition because teachers and students alike didn’t talk about anything else than this upcoming event. The school hallways were plastered with posters, inviting everyone to the BBQ party with Campfire that followed a day filled with activities for the students and families. Sam had received the paper he was holding in his hand right now from his literature teacher who was also a member of the family day committee. Everyone was required to invite their families and fill out the form on how many members would attend the party and if there were any special requirements for the food due to allergy. There was also a section for the parents to sign up to help with setting everything up, managing the BBQs or baking cookies and cakes for dessert. Sam had read the words on that sheet of paper a hundred times, sadness seeping through him in a slow but steady trickle. There wasn’t even an option to choose that no one from your family would be attending. It was assumed that everyone had a family who cared enough to participate in such an event.

When he first got that form Sam hadn’t been too concerned. That was weeks ago and he figured that he could ask Dean to tag along, at least there would be free food. Deep down he didn’t want his dad there so Sam choose immediately not to ask him. Dean would be the only family there that he needed. He had even started to brag about his cool older brother who would come with him. Usually Sam kept to himself and didn’t talk about his family at all. But everyone chatted about who would come with them; parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters and Sam just felt the need to answer something when his classmates asked him.  
Of course things had changed considerably in the last couple of weeks, leaving Sam with no one to ask to join him. He even considered of not going at all even if it would get him detention because the attendance was mandatory. He could already picture himself, sitting alone, watching the families around him having fun together.

Sam shook his head to get rid of the thoughts causing his heart to throb painfully. There was nothing he could do to change the situation so he took his pen and added a fourth option in sloppy handwriting.

“No one of my family is attending because they all hate me”.

Sam stared down at the words, as if reading them on paper made it more real. Sam knew he would never give this form to his teacher but for now it felt good to see the truth in blue letters on white paper. No other eyes would ever follow the curves of the letters, taking their true meaning to heart. He would never expose his family like that; exposed to investigation by the school and far worse child protective services. Sam had proper clothes, a roof over his head and enough food to be comfortable. Sure they camped out in shady motels most of the time but he had accepted their family situation without complaint. Because back then he had his big brother, a gleaming light against the darkness that sometimes threatened to invade his heart and soul. Now however Dean looked at him in the exact same way their father did, with disgust and irritation. Love had been replaced by the question why Sam had to be such a burden, a disgrace to their family.

The memory of Dean yelling at him, accusing him of being a disgrace to their family and to humankind in general surfaced again and Sam had to take a deep breath to suppress the tears and the whimpers. The wound was still too fresh, with blood gushing out of it. An infection spreading throughout his soul, a constantly painful reminder of what Sam had lost because of his adrenaline ridden foolishness. He tried to suppress the fear that lured at the edge of his mind, always ready to sink its ugly claws into him. Anxiousness had become Sam’s shadow, following him wherever he went and whatever he did. 

There is nothing as unsettling as knowing that you are alone in the world because you lost the one person who was everything to you. Nowadays Sam slept with a knife under his pillow, never succumbing to sleep and letting go of the world entirely like he used to. But back then he knew that Dean was watching over him and would protect him no matter what. After their fight Dean had made it pretty clear that he wouldn’t look out for Sam anymore and Sam highly doubted Dean would try to defend him in a dangerous situation. So every night before he went to sleep Sam traced the handle of his knife with his fingertips, knowing that this forged metal with the oak handle was the only thing standing between him and the monsters out there.

Sam heard the entrance door open and close, letting in a gust of cool air. Dean had arrived from his run to the diner, carrying a greasy paper bag filled with food in his right arm. The smell of deep fried chicken and French fries wafted into the bedroom through the only half closed door. Dean’s voice was a low rumble as he joined his dad at the table marking several spots on the map. Sam didn’t know what this particular case was about. Usually it was Dean who kept Sam informed but since Dean didn’t talk to Sam anymore he had no idea what was going on. Eventually the both man folded the map and put the food on the table. Cheap paper napkins served as plates and the hunters devoured the food in big bites still talking about the case whenever their mouths weren’t occupied by chewing. Sam watched the scene from the bedroom, his stomach growling and demanding attention.

For years and years it had always been Dean who tried to make the different apartments and motels as much a home as it was possible. He always rounded them up for dinner and insisted on using real plates and eating salad once in a while. When Sam would sit with his homework Dean always called for him, eventually stealing the book away from under his nose telling Sam to join them for dinner. Now however Dean never got Sam from the bedroom when it was dinner time, the plates disappeared alongside with the regular supply of warm meals. Dean had adjusted to John’s routine, eating whenever the hunt allowed it and whatever was available. Sam often ate his lonely breakfast, a bowl of cereal, longingly staring at his brothers sleeping shape on the bed. It was only after it disappeared Sam realized how much he had loved the breakfasts together with Dean, joking and teasing until it was time for Dean to give him a ride to school. At school he had lunch together with the other students who didn’t quite fit in. They weren’t friends but kept each other company and offered silent understanding if one of them showed up with bruises or a torn shirt.

Sam’s stomach hurt because he hadn’t eaten since lunch which had been some kind of stew with mashed potatoes. Even though he was hungry Sam stayed frozen on the bed, tracing his scattered books with his eyes. He could join his father and Dean for dinner but the prize he would have to pay for that was too big. Sam still couldn’t cope when Deans green eyes swept over him as if he was a piece of furniture. He never addressed Sam unless it was absolutely necessary. John hadn’t noticed the change in Dean’s behavior or he had and just didn’t care. The few occasions Dean had to communicate with Sam it was always short orders, spoken in a cold and detached voice. Dean’s eyes never locked with Sam’s as if just looking at him was poisonous. So it had become easier to avoid dinner altogether and focus on homework instead. Sam was always hungry but began to accept the gnawing feeling in his stomach. Sam had never been pudgy and he lost the little weight he had around his muscles in record time. His muscles followed suit because Dean didn’t supervise his exercise anymore and Sam didn’t have the motivation to keep on track. Sam had always hated exercise but had endured it patiently because it offered the possibility to spend time with his brother.

“Sam, dinner is getting cold!” John yelled from the other room, waving with the half eaten burger he held in his hand. Dread settled over Sam, caught between the choice to get into a fight with his father for letting the food go to waste or join them for dinner. Sam shoved the family day invitation he was still holding between the pages of his notepad before he slowly went out into the main room. Sam hunched his shoulders and let the long strands of brown hair cover most of his face. Even though this was pure agony he didn’t need to show that to his brother. There was no risk his dad would notice, he simply didn’t know Sam well enough. 

“Why do I have to ask you to come to dinner? You are not five anymore Sam,” his father said as Sam slid down on one of the plastic chairs. Sam just nodded hoping that it would be enough as a response for his dad. John didn’t follow up on his statement and focused his attention back on Dean. Sam picked up a one of the burgers lying messily on the table next to a bucket of chicken nuggets. The paper wrapping rustled as Sam took his first bite. With his eyes trained on the blemished surface of the rickety make shift table they borrowed from the landlord Sam listened with half an ear to the ongoing conversation between John and Dean. Apparently there had been a wave of ghost sightings in a small village nearby. The appearances followed no pattern and even marking the spots on the map didn’t bring them any closer to determine what was behind all of this. Despite several days and evenings spend in the village John didn’t see any signs of the spirit despite the increasing number of sightings. It didn’t make sense and the both man sounded frustrated. Apparently Dean had checked for connections between the people experiencing visions or sightings and hadn’t found anything.

“What if the connection is not the people, but the village? That would explain why you can’t see the spirit,” Sam blurted out before he could stop himself. He always loved a mystery and this hunt seemed to be interesting. He regretted his decision the second piercing green eyes zoomed in on him, displaying nothing but annoyance and another feeling somehow unreadable for Sam but it could have been hate.

“Hmmm…good thinking son,” John nodded in approval of Sam’s suggestion.

“Dean, have you checked for events relating to the village as a whole?” John asked, his burger already abandoned on the table. He scribbled down notes into his brown worn out leather journal.

“Noooooooo….,” Dean huffed and rolled his eyes. Even he had stopped eating and followed John with his eyes when the man left the table to once again retrieve the map from earlier.  
The burger in Sam’s mouth turned to ash as he realized that Dean would be furious at him for coming with suggestions on a case he was working on. He swallowed repeatedly to force the mixture of meat and bread down his throat without choking on it. His eyes teared up and he dug his head to avoid looking at Dean who had taken over the map from John.

“Seems like you need to go to the library to look at the archived newspaper, Dean,” John gestured in the general direction of the library building on the other side of town. “Take Sam with you, will you?” John ordered before grabbing his car keys and the jacket loosely hanging on the coat rack. He opened the door and hesitated before he left, with one foot already out of the door.

“Good job, boys! Keep up the good work.”

The door closed behind John with a thud leaving nothing but thick silence and tension in its wake. Sam kept his head down, hoping Dean would just ignore him. But Sam was out of luck and got yanked upwards by Deans hands in a tight grip around his upper arm.  
“So little brother,” Dean spat, malice dripping from his voice, “all of a sudden so keen on being part of the hunt? Well then you are going to come with me to the library. You help me with the research with that brain of yours that you are so proud of and later we investigate the latest appearance. Maybe you are lucky and get to fight off an evil spirit.”

The color drained from Sam’s face as he listened to his brother. He had no idea how to fight off any spirits, evil or otherwise. He closed his eyes and let Dean drag him across the room painfully aware that he probably would not come back. Dean had made it very clear that it only would be a positive thing for him if Sam would die. Maybe that was his plan all along but Sam wondered why Dean didn’t just shoot him and put an end to their misery right now.


	2. Chapter 2

Two hours later the boys sat at one of the huge oak tables in the library, a stack of newspapers dating back almost a hundred years in front of them. Sam turned page after page, his eyes only focused on the headlines in his quest to find something that could explain the unusual sightings. Up until now no one had been hurt by the spirit but it was still necessary that they found it and helped it move on if it was a good one, or eliminate it if it was an evil spirit. Sam’s stomach churned at the thought, knowing that he had next to no idea how to defend himself against an evil spirit. He had no one to blame for that despite himself, always trying to not get involved in hunting business and solely relying on Dean for his protection. That someone who hates your guts wasn’t much protection at all made Sam shiver with anxiety. If Dean would follow up on his threat there was no way they both would come home safe and sound if this indeed proved to be an evil spirit. 

Sam’s eyes traveled down boring headlines like stolen grass mowers and news regarding the town’s football team. Just as Sam let his thoughts wander without paying attention to his surroundings he heard someone say his name in a low voice.

Sam lifted his eyes to look in the bright blue ones of his literature teacher. She was clad in a purple dress; her short brown hair framed her face and highlighted the smile she wore. In her hands she held a pile of books, containing different genres like fantasy and a biography which indicated she was here to borrow books for her private use. Sam liked her a lot and he found himself smiling back despite the knot in his stomach. His family almost always caused him trouble at school, especially John who had forgotten a long time ago that the worlds of other people didn’t spin around monsters like his did. Sam had never been ashamed of bringing Dean though, he rather enjoyed showing off his cool brother with the leather jacket and the cool car. But of course everything had changed and he hoped that Dean could hold himself back from making nasty comments about Sam for the time his teacher talked to them. Otherwise Sam would have a whole lot of explaining to do.

“Sam, so nice to meet you here. Gosh that are many newspapers, what are you doing with them?” Sam’s literature teacher asked curiously, leaning forward to catch a glance at the pile.

“Oh…ehm…just helping my brother with a research project for college,” he gestured towards Dean who already eyed the women in front of them with curious eyes.

“Well, then you must be Dean, Sam’s older brother? I have heard a lot about you. Your little brother here seems to be your biggest fan,” she chuckled and petted Dean lightly on his shoulder.

The smile on Sam’s face turned into a grimace, his cheeks heating with embarrassment. Of course his teacher was exaggerating to be friendly; he didn’t talk a lot about Dean in school especially lately. Sam looked down at his hands that were know curled into fists, his nails digging painfully into the soft flesh of his palm.

“Does he, huh?” Dean laughed, his head bowed to one side faking friendliness. Of course it didn’t take long until Deans deep green eyes, in combination with his freckles got to the women even if she must be almost 15 years older than Dean who just graduated from school and had his 18th birthday. Sam wasn’t surprised though because his brother had this effect on people, especially women.

“Sam I meant to remind you in class but forgot: you have to turn in the form about family day until Tuesday,” she said, turning away from Dean to focus her attention back on Sam who by then had dug his head defensively.

“Mhhmmm…” Sam murmured, trying to sound as unfazed as he could.

“Don’t say you lost it?” Her eyebrows traveled up to her hairline in a mocking way. She was used that her pupils lost things all the time, however she seemed a bit surprised because Sam used to have his things in order.

“What’s family day?” Dean cut in, giving Sam an undecipherable look.

“Hasn’t Sam told you? I thought you are coming together with Sam, at least that’s what he told us.” She looked puzzled back and forth between the brothers.

Sam tried to fight it but in the matter of seconds his eyes filled with burning shameful tears. He had somehow hoped that no one outside their family would ever have to know that he got no one, no one who loved him, cared for him and protected him. Somehow having an outsider find out made it that much worse, almost unbearable.

“No…I meant to ask him but forgot….” Sam trailed off, delivering the lamest excuse in the history of lame excuses.

“Well it’s getting late so I leave you boys to it. I hope you both can make it to family day,” Sam’s teacher said, sensing the uncomfortable silence between the brothers her question had created. She waved curtly and sent of a warm smile in Sam’s direction before she headed off to the checkout counter. 

“Family day!” Dean snorted in contempt, breaking his brother’s heart into a thousand pieces.  
Sam thought silently about the gift he made in arts and crafts for his brother. Everyone in class had made a gift for someone special in their family as a token of appreciation. The simple silver ring engraved with protective symbols laid in one of the exhibition counters together with the other gifts made by his classmates were everyone would be able to see them before their rightful owners could take them home. Everyone would see his ring besides the one person he had made it for and even though the thought was heartbreaking Sam felt a little bit relieved. That way Dean would never know and laugh at him for it.

Sam didn’t reply to his brother’s comment. In the beginning when the fallout between them happened he would try to apologize to Dean whenever the other was mean thinking that way he could repair the damage done to their relationship. He honestly thought that if he apologized enough, Dean would forgive him. It took him several painful weeks to realize that his brother wouldn’t forgive him and he wouldn’t get him back either. Sam was a born fighter but his brothers icing cold wall, his nasty comments and mean behavior wore even Sam’s will to fight for their relationship down. In the end he just accepted the fact that Dean hated him and chose to stay silent whenever Dean decided to lash out.

Despite everything they went through Sam couldn’t bring himself to reply harshly or tell Dean off. He just didn’t have it in him, every time he tried to get angry one of his favorite memories surfaced like the one Christmas Dean stole presents and a tree just to make him happy because he knew how much it meant to Sam to have a real Christmas.

Sam had accepted the fact that he would always love his brother intensely, no matter how mean and condescending Dean treated him nowadays. An ironic twist of fate given that his love for Dean had gotten him into this mess in the first place. He always reminded himself that it could have been worse. Dean could easily have told their dad about what Sam did, convincing John to leave him behind because Sams soul was tainted.

Secretly Sam wiped a stray tear from his eyelashes hoping that Dean hadn’t noticed him getting emotional. 

Dean raised himself abruptly, almost causing the chair he was sitting on to fall backwards. Sam stared at him in surprise, they weren’t done with their research yet and even if Dean hated research he would never abandon the search for the source of the case he was working on.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked his voice unsure and timid. Long gone the times he didn’t think before speaking and just let his thoughts fall out of his mouth when Dean was around. Dean had been his superhero, big brother and best friend, all in one person. As beautiful as it had been as painful it was now that Sam had lost him.

“Time for a break. Come on get going Sammy before I stab anyone because I need coffee” Dean grabbed his messenger back and slung it over his shoulder in one swift motion. Sam’s eyes grew wide like saucers as he heard the familiar nickname for the first time since the thing happened.

Sam scrambled to his feet as fast as he could, shoving the newspapers into a lazy pile so that they could go back to their research after they fetched themselves a cup of coffee at the café right outside the library. Sam followed Dean hastily, hoping that his brother wouldn’t change his mind on their way to the café. It wouldn’t be unusual for him to surprisingly do something nice just to leash out and be even meaner afterwards. Even though Sam knew that this friendly behavior wouldn’t last long he enjoyed every second of it trying to make the most of these rare occasions. Sam knew that he was pathetic but even that he had accepted during the past eight weeks

A few minutes later the brothers stood in line at the café behind a man in a suit who held todays newspaper alongside with a leather wallet in a tight grip that just screamed impatience. The wallet reminded Sam that he had left their apartment without taking his wallet with him and even if he had it would never contain enough money for one of the fancy coffees and Frappuccino’s offered in this modern café. The main source of income for Sam nowadays was to run errands for the school janitor now and again. Sometimes he walked a neighbor’s dog. It was never enough money to actually allow him any luxury but he could buy something in the school cafeteria once in a while. John had never bothered with giving them any money besides the money for groceries when he was gone but Dean started hustling pool when he was 16 and since then the brothers had enough money to help them get around. But nowadays Dean didn’t share the money with Sam anymore so Sam was mainly broke all the time.

“What are you getting?” Dean asked over his shoulder after he checked out the barista and found her unworthy of his attention.

“Nothing…I have no money and I am not thirsty anyways. But I can keep you company while you drink your coffee,” Sam suggested knowing that Dean wouldn’t be allowed to bring the coffee inside the library.

“Aha…too bad,” Dean replied and gave his order to the barista who smiled at Sam, the pity in her eyes conveying that she probably overheard their conversation. Luckily she didn’t know that Dean was Sam’s brother not just a random acquaintance reacting so cold to Sam’s statement.

After she made Dean a Latte and handed it over she took a steaming cup from her counter.

“Here take this one- its free of charge, I was just practicing a new combination of flavors. Let me know if you like it!” and with that the nice barista handed over a coffee to Sam who smiled despite the stab of pain he felt at the baristas compassion. Dean watched the interplay between them with a raised eyebrow but didn’t comment on it until they had found a table in one of the corners of the busy room humming with conversation and laughter.  
.  
”Seems like she likes you,” Dean commented casually, pointing at Sam’s coffee.  
“Ew Dean, seriously? She is old and she was just being nice.” Sam stated firmly not wanting to be a target for Deans teasing.  
“Well, so am I. I guess we are about the same age. So I am ´Ew´ as well?” Dean had raised an eyebrow and pursed his lips waiting for Sam’s reaction.  
Sam hated himself for it but it didn’t take more than a couple of seconds until embarrassment had colored his cheeks crimson. He fidgeted with the coffee cup just to have something to do.

“That’s different. I mean you are….I am…” Sam trailed off, not even sure what he was trying to say. Nothing he had to say was news to Dean, not that he loved him, and not even that he loved him more than he should. That secret was revealed the day he came home from a school party, slightly drunk and happy because it had been a surprisingly good evening with laughter and companionship. When he had gotten home Dean sat on the sofa watching a movie and he convinced him to go on a walk to the nearby lake. It had started with skinny dipping and ended up with Sam pressing his wet body against Deans trying to kiss him. Someone had smuggled vodka in the party punch and Sam wasn’t used to drinking so he honestly thought he had seen something in Dean’s eyes that conveyed that he shared Sam’s feelings.

The rest of the night is just a blur for Sam, the alcohol clouding his senses. He remembered snippets like Dean yelling at him for being so disgusting and swearing that he didn’t want anything to do with Sam. At some point Sam threw up into some bushes and it felt like he blacked out. There was this other memory were he woke up and found Dean looming over him, washing guck from Sam’s face with his shirt murmuring soothing words. It just couldn’t be real given their huge fight so Sam thought that he just dreamt that while he was blacked out.

The longing to beg Dean to love him again, be his friend and brother became overwhelming. But Sam bit his lip trying to fight the emotions that had their claws inside of him stripping him raw from all defenses.

Sam couldn’t hide the feelings tearing his insides apart and he looked up at Dean with pleading an eyes. A silent plea for understanding and forgiveness in the hopes that somewhere deep down in Dean’s heart there was still love for him, even if it was buried by the mistakes Sam had made.

“I am a mean, irresponsible person, haven’t you realized that by now?” Dean whispered his voice a low husky rumble against the noise in the busy café.

Sam shook his head furiously, incapable of stopping the tears from sliding down his burning cheeks.

“No, no you are not. You have always been my superhero. Even now, despite the fact that you hate me,” the agony in Sam’s voice was evident; his cheeks stained with tears, his nose red from crying like his poufy eyes.

Dean’s features softened as he locked his eyes with Sam. Sorrow and grief edged into his eyes like they had never seen happiness.

“I don’t hate you, but I have to do what’s right because I am your big brother. And the right thing is that you stay away from me.” Dean abandoned his still half-filled cup of coffee, his knuckles white on his balled fists.

Sam made a noise deep in his throat, a sound consisting of desperation, confusion, angst and also a little bit of hope. It was that noise that haltered Dean’s step on his way to the door and he turned around once more. He looked exhausted and way older than his 18 years. Dean approached Sam in two long strides, cupping Sam’s cheek with his long muscular fingers.

“I am so sorry. I hate to hurt you but I thought this would make it easier for you to stay away. When you can be angry at me and hate me for being a jerk instead of longing after something we can’t have. ”Gently he wiped the tears of Sam’s cheek.

“It is not easier,” Sam huffed. “Its hell, just hell. Please can we just be friends again, brothers? I promise I won’t do anything stupid that makes you feel disgusted of me…please!” Sam curled his fingers around Deans as if he tried to stop the other from running away.

By then their interplay had raised some attention, people were turning their heads into their direction and whispers could be heard.

“Come on kiss him, he is a cute kid!” Some of the man sitting at the table next to them shouted and whistled as if this was a soap opera and not their messed up life’s

Dean’s jaw was set and he had murder in his eyes, a look Sam recognized all too well. He was just beginning to be afraid for the shouting guy’s well-being as Dean grabbed his hand and dragged him along out of the café and into the street.

They stopped on the side walk, staring at each other fleetingly.

“Well it’s good that you are tall for your age or someone might just have called the cops on my sorry ass. Not to speak of what they would have done to me if they knew we were brothers. You see why this has to stop, right Sammy?? We are risking everything and I am not willing to do that. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to protect you and our family so if this means we have to hate each other then be it.” Dean’s expression bore nothing but pain and agony but his eyes conveyed that this wasn’t a matter of discussion.

Sam bowed his head, knowing he was defeated and all he could hope for that he could get his brother back; nothing more but nothing less than that. In a place deep down in his heart he felt somehow content that what he had seen in Deans eyes that night was real, even if it wasn’t right.

“I promise you there is no need for us to hate each other. But tell me just one thing,” Sam stepped up to his brother, hand resting on Deans broad shoulders, “if I weren’t your brother…?” Sam trailed off not knowing if he had pushed it too far and misunderstood the things Dean had said.

Dean didn’t answer for a long time, just kept gazing in his brothers fantastic eyes which changed color depending on his emotional state. Right now Sam’s eyes were a shade of hazel, reminding Dean of a doe.

“If you weren’t my brother…things would be…different,” Dean sighed once again, his forehead wrinkled in a frown.

A couple of seconds later he had turned around and made his way back to the library and their research for the case. Just for a moment Sam’s eyes lingered on Dean’s bum clad in rather tight stone washed jeans. If they weren’t brothers things would be different. Somehow this was enough for Sam, it had to be.


End file.
